hormonal? over reacting? or just fed up?

It helps to write things down. I've known this for a long time. Today things have just got so on top of me I know I need to write them down so I can get on analysing what Nietzsche thinks happens when we cannot express ourselves.

Nietzsche said we feel 'ressentiment' and anger towards those preventing us from acting out our drives and ambitions. Trying to figure out exactly what's stopping me has been the difficulty of today.

I'm a student at university, my current boyfriend of nearly 4 months, lives 80 miles away, and spends his loan on train tickets to come and see me every weekend. Its intense, or at least, now I realise it is. He's new to relationships, or at least ones with people his own age who have their own place and have developed a real sense of what it is to live outside of the homing nest. He's great, treats me like a princess. But I dont think that's what I need. What I dont understand is why I'm trying to reject someone who wants to shower me with presents and tell me I'm beautiful every moment of every day. I'm lucky to have him. He just, doesn't understand how to comfort me, isn't on the same level of maturity as I am, and thinks it's important that I think higher of him than he thinks of himself. He pretends he's experienced in relationships and sex, even though it seems apparent to me that he isn't.

His attitude toward me can be patronizing, talking to me like I talk to my cat. Maybe I should stop talking to my cat like that, She's old and wise.. she probably resents me for it too!!!

i had a joint 21st birthday party with my friend this friday I go and yell at my boyfriend at the end of the night for being concerned about me. I hate to think people are worried about my wellbeing. I like to feel like i'm independant and in control. Even if i do need help, I hate to admit it.

Maybe the issues are mine, I'm turning my drives in on myself and becoming something I dont want to be.. an upset, stuck up, unappreciative cow who hollows in her own room moaning that no one makes the effort with me.. but am I justified in making such claims? I'd like to think I make effort with others.. It's hard to do so when you don't feel appreciated though.
I have plenty mouse friends at home, and I cannot WAIT to see them on saturday.